Not Sure What To Put Title As............

I watched the Film of Farrah Faucett called Farrah's Story.... The document done on her battle of cancer. My mother in law had the same type cancer as she did. I DVR'd the film just have not had the ump to watch it. I watched it last night by myself cause hubby did not want to watch it to hard for him. I cried cause my mother in law never made it that far with her cancer. Just like Farrah said Why Can't They Find A Cure For All Cancers!!!!!

I have had to deal with 5 deaths in the last 7 years. I understood when my grandma S. and Grandpa S. passed away. I have been angry with the good lord above ever since he took my mom in 2005. Then it didn't help when my other grandmother J. passed away, but I understood she wanted to go. Her saying every night before she go to bed was " Goodnight everyone , Lord Willing I get up in the morning" she said that every night before she would go to bed. Then my mother in law passed away in 2008 and that was heartbreaking also. It has taken me awhile to start going back to church. I started going to Green River Chapel a friend asked me if I would be her guest at church and I said sure. I liked it so I started going but when Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around I kind of started not going. My kids would ask mom when are we going back to church and I would say I'm not sure. The holidays are the hardest for me.

When my mom had a terrible fall at where she used to work Ventura Plastics she had a bruised up leg. Shes 5 ft tall and she fell off a platform that was 5 ft off the ground. The doctor put her to be off work and to have her leg elevated. Well the 6 weeks went by the bruise was still there and she was having troubles walking. She started using a cane and then it progressed and she started using a walker. Her legs were deteriorating fast. She got the news in January of 2005 that she will never walk again. So she went from a walker to a wheel chair. She had no use of her legs anymore. The muscles were deteriorating in her legs. From January until about May she was in and out of the hospital learning physical therapy. She was doing good. Then about a week before Halloween she fell off her potty chair and bruised her right buttoks area. Well a few days went by and she was having troubles and was in agonizing pain. My mom woke my dad up about 3 am and told him you have to take me somewhere I cant take this pain... and for my mom to do that she had to be in serious pain. Dad loaded her up in the truck and took her to the ER in Russellville. They done x-rays and found that she had very bad blood clot that was pushing up against her bladder. So they rushed her to Bowling Green Medical Center for emergency surgery. She made it through the surgery just fine. She had a ventilator on her until she could start breathing on her own. They took it off a few days after surgery. Well the night after that I had a dream that my dad would call me about 6 am to tell me she had taken a turn for the worst. That dream came true cause November 2nd 2005 at 6 a.m. my dad calls my cell and tells me that I need to get to the hospital as soon as I can that she has taken a turn for the worst. I could not say anything I gave the phone to my hubby I was crying so hard I could not breathe good. We took the kids to my mother in laws and told them they will not be going to school that day. I got to the hospital and dad told me that she was having trouble breathing so they put the ventilator back on her, but when they went to put the tube in her throat she vomitted which ended up her aspirating it. The fluid filled her lungs and the Dr.s said that she would be a vegetable all her life. Well my dad had called my brother and we had to wait for him to get there. Not knowing that it was going to be the hardest decision I would have to make in my life. My brother arrived and dad pulled me and brother out in the hall and we discussed letting her go. We knew she did not want to live like that. She passed away at 7 p.m. November 2nd 2005 the dr.s said she went quick and peacefully. It was the hardest decision that I think I have made in my life. I just couldn't believe that God would take such a wonderful person at such and early age my mother was only 58 years old.

Then it wasn't to long after my grandmother J. got ill and she passed. My grandmother was ready to go and be with her husband Russell up in heaven. She was ready the day he died back in 1968. I understood why she passed it was her time. She passed the same month that my mom passed. November 27th 2005.

I had gotten over these deaths and finally could realize why he took them.

My mother in laws passing was the last straw for me.

My hands are tired more about my mother in law next posting!!